


I Carry Your Heart (I carry it in my heart)

by Katstrikesback



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 5+1 Things, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 16:11:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12938904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katstrikesback/pseuds/Katstrikesback
Summary: Dylan finds hearts sometimes but he gives them back. He decides one of them he is keeping. Five Time Dylan Returned a Heart and 1 Time he Kept It





	I Carry Your Heart (I carry it in my heart)

**Author's Note:**

> This is an au in which when you love someone your heart appears with them.

Dylan finds Connor’s heart in his stall in Erie the first year they play together. He doesn’t notice it at first, they’ve had a rough loss and he is barely with it enough to pack his bag. He feels the warmth, and digs in his bag to see the heart nestled along his spare shirt. The moment the heart is in his hands he knows it belongs to Davo.  Dylan keeps the heart for the night, cradled safely. There isn’t much he can do for Davo, the pressure surrounding him is so intense but this he can do, he can ease the pain of a bad loss for the night.

In the morning at breakfast, Dyan quietly pulls Connor into the hall.

“This showed up last night,” Dylan says and hands Connor back the heart.

“Oh,” Connor’s voice is soft and he reaches for his heart. “Thanks, Dyl.”

Connor’s heart shows up again the night of the draft. Dylan’s own heart aches, because Davo is his best friend and he loves him.  Dylan keeps the heart until they’ve been drafted, let’s Connor put on his hideous jersey and hugs him when Dylan goes third.

That night, they are both buzzed and Dylan hands Connor back his heart.

“You can, you, could I mean,” Connor stammers. “Keep it” and pushes Dylan’s hand back.

He’d known this wasn’t going to go well but it still hurt to do. Dylan loved Connor, just not the way Connor loved Dylan.

“I can’t Davo. It wouldn’t be right. You gotta wait and give this to someone who can return the favor,” Dylan tried to sound soft, to be gentle.

Connor recoiled, “I don’t? But?”

“I’m sorry, Davo.”

*****

 

Dylan has known Mitch Marner probably his whole hockey life but he doesn’t get to know Mitch until they play at World Juniors. On ice they’re magic and slowly that translate into a solid friendship off the ice as well. Dylan likes Marns, he is funny and  laid back. 

 

It is almost too easy to let Marns fill in some of the spaces Davo left behind. Davo who isn’t returning Dylan’s calls or texts. Not with any consistency. Dylan almost would rather believe that it was because Davo was beyond him now, beyond his Juniors friend but deep down he knows he broke Davo’s heart and that takes time to fix. 

 

So, he lets Marns pull him in on the couch in their hotel room for cuddles and a movie. They chirp on Instagram and fight on the ice once they’re both back to their respective teams. The Knights kick the Otters out of the playoffs and Mitch’s heart is in Dylan’s stall, warm and thrumming with joy.

 

Dylan huffs out a breath and calls Ryan.

 

“I found Marns’ heart,” instead of a hello. Dylan’s own heart is breaking, miles away.

 

“Hey, Dyl,” Ryan’s voice is soft, concerned.

 

“I found Marns’ heart in my stall after the game.”

 

“You thinking about keeping it?” Ryan asks.

 

“What? Don’t be dumb," The shock of the question throws him. 

 

“Then why?” Ryan starts. And Dylan knows what he is asking. Why did he call Ryan after this huge loss to talk about Marns.

 

“Cause I need you to talk me out of walking into his locker room and throwing it back at him.”

 

“Dyl, you can’t-”

 

“I want to. Fuck. Fuck this and fuck losing.”

 

“I know you’re upset about the game and after McDavid-”

 

Dylan’s breath stutters, a sharp ache at the strained friendship. 

 

“Hey no. this isn’t on you. Not the hearts or the game, but don’t fuck up a perfectly good friendship with Marns. You’ll regret it in five years when you’re in the show and this all seems far away, you guys are going to see each other at the All Star games all the time.”

 

It’s nice, the faith Ryan has in him. Dylan doesn’t always feel like he deserves it but it feels good regardless.

 

“I don’t want to keep it. Not tonight,” Dylan says and it comes out more broken than intended. He feels a thrum of love and encouragement in his own chest. 

 

“You know I would have been there-”

 

“Ryan, don’t. You got playoff hockey to win. Don’t let Tampa have anything.”

 

“I’ll try.”

“Go to bed. Sleep.”

 

“Love you Dyl.”

 

“You too Ry.”

 

Dylan hangs up the phone and places Marns’ heart in his bag. He decides to give it back tomorrow, Marns deserves a night to be happy.

 

*******

 

When Dylan gets sent down again, he tries to be excited about it. He tries to be excited about another chance at the Memorial Cup, at World Juniors.  He has another chance to be an Otter, which is all good memories. He slots back in and can’t help but feel like Brinksy would have been the captain if he’d stayed up. Brinksy swears he doesn’t mind and Dylan falls back into the team.

 

They win and they win. He puts up stupid numbers and Brinksy flies on his wing. They win the OHL and Dylan feels so proud to have done something, to have led his team here. 

 

Davo shows at the Memorial Cup and he looks happy, there is forgiveness in his eyes and he gives Dylan a smile. They aren’t as close, won’t ever be again but it’s still good to have him there. 

 

They win until they lose, the loss feels worse for it being against the host team. He hurts and not even the love being soothed into his heart makes it easier. He looks at Brinksy and feels like a failure, wonders if this is how Davo felt.

 

They lose and Dylan knows that's part of the game too. He knows that if he stays in Arizona it will be something he does a lot of in the future. Dylan wins the MVP and says something glib to the camera, something he will regret in the future but in the moment his team lost and it all feels wrong. 

 

Ryan meets him outside the locker room, hugs him and says over and over how well Dylan played, how proud he is, how proud everyone is. 

 

Brinksy hugs him in the locker room and they clutch each other. If Dylan was being honest, he is always half expecting Brinksy’s heart to show up. He can see the kid’s crush from a mile away. Well, he could see it once Ryan pointed it out. Brinks never said anything, not at any time they played. Dylan remembers Davo pulling Brinksy aside that first year they played, so maybe Davo warned him off.

 

Brinksy’s heart shows up a week later, somber and dull. When Dylan goes to return it, he takes an early flight and Brinksy picks him up from the airport. He takes it back with a sad, small, smile but doesn’t seem hurt or even disappointed. Dylan stays a week and leaves feeling better than he has since the final buzzer sounded.

****

 

Dylan trains all summer, plays some ball hockey, and skates till his feet bleed. He stays with Ryan for a bit in New York, trains with him and Tavares. 

 

When Dylan wakes up one morning to the smell of bacon, he smiles and follows the smell into the kitchen where Ryan is making breakfast.

 

“You’re my favorite.”

 

“Anyone with food is your favorite.”

 

“But you’re my special favorite.”

 

Ryan just smiles and lets him steal a piece of bacon. They get through breakfast and it isn’t even Dylan who finds the heart.

 

“What the fuck?” Ryan says, as Dylan pulls back on a shirt.

 

Dylan looks over and sees a heart in his hand.

 

“Who?”

 

“Tavares?”

 

“Oh,” Dylan starts, “Hah! Now you know how it feels.” Because holy shit John Tavares.

 

“I found it in your bed.”

 

“Shit? Really?”

 

Ryan smirks, “Must like pretty boys.”

 

Dylan blushes but holds his hands up when Ryan tries to pass the heart to him.

 

“Oh absolutely not. He wouldn’t even have met me if not for you. I am not giving it back. You do it. Go defend my honor.”

 

“Nothing to protect. I checked.”

“Hey!”

 

Ryan barks out a laugh but pockets the heart.

 

****

 

He works and trains and stays. He plays hard and he gets sent down to Tucson. He talks to Ryan the whole drive and doesn’t cry. His chest feels warm and he can feel the support being whispered into his own heart. News of his shame already all over Twitter and Instagram.

 

He gets sent down and he is embarrassed. He says all the right things to the media, to his coach, to his teammates but it still burns. The rest of the top ten of the 2015 draft are all up, all playing in the show and Dylan just can’t quite make it. He isn’t and never was expecting to be Davo or Eichs. They aren’t the same players, he is bigger and is still developing. He knows. Knows that Ryan played even longer in the AHL, that it takes time but it still burns, hot shame that courses through him.

 

So, Ryan calls and Dylan answers. He let’s Ryan talk to him the whole way to Tucson and damn if it doesn’t help.

 

Dylan rooms with Latta and becomes lineys with Merks. Together they destroy the AHL. For a little while it is almost like having Brinksy back. Merks just finds him on the ice, always ready for the puck. His coach finally gets him and Dylan can play the hockey he knows, the ways he feels it in his bones down to his skates.

 

The three of them hang out. They do Halloween and post slightly pornographic photos of it on Insta.

 

“ _ We can see your dick, Dylan” _ Ryan tells him that night over the phone.

 

Still there is a day circled on his calendar, they play the Oilers at the end of November and Dylan has every intention of being at that game. 

 

So, they score and score. He and Merks are magic on the ice. When Merks heart shows up, Dylan isn’t surprised at all. The kid is young and on ice chemistry can be addictive. Latta starts pimping Merks out on Insta and Dylan quietly slips him back his heart. 

 

He finds it a few more times, after impressive games or really tough losses. Ryan gives him endless shit for it.

 

“What goes on with you and your linemates?”

 

“Hockey.”

Ryan laughs, “No, my linemates and I play hockey. You must seduce them.”

 

“Fuck you. Your linemate's heart showed up too!”

 

“Yeah, to you.”

 

“Maybe I’m just lovable.”

 

“No arguments here.”

 

Dylan gives a soft huff, “I feel bad though. I just don’t wanna hurt him you know? Like he’s a good guy and a great liney.”

 

“Just be chill. And maybe get him a girlfriend? Boyfriend?”

 

“Yeah. Trying to. Shouldn’t be too hard, he’s cute.”

 

“Sure you don’t want to hold on to it then?”

 

“Don’t be dumb, Ry.”

 

*****

Dylan’s heart has always been with Ryan. Well, maybe not always but since Ryan left home the first time and Dylan’s heart was packed in his bag when he got to his billet’s house. Ryan hadn’t said anything, hadn’t even teased Dylan about it and Dylan just missed him. It happened so often that Ryan stopped trying to return it, promised to hold it until Dylan fell in love with someone and wanted to give it away.

 

It took years for Dylan to articulate that he already had.

 

Ryan’s heart doesn't show up with Dylan right away, not until the night of Ryan’s draft. They don’t talk about it but Dylan keeps his heart. They whisper words to each other, in the dark of hotel rooms and in the borrowed bedrooms of their billets. 

 

Dylan has always known he loved Ryan but he didn’t always know that Ryan loved him. Not until he left for the Otters. He’s sixteen and he doesn’t mean to want his brother. Doesn’t know how to tell Ryan but thinks maybe Ryan already knows. How can he not when he has had Dylan’s heart all these years.

 

Dylan is holding Ryan’s heart when he calls him and he feels that surge of love and affection. It makes Dylan wonder about maybe, it makes Dylan brave.

 

The next time he sees Ryan in person, all he can think about is kissing him. Dylan is terrified and horny and he does it anyway. He hears Ryan gasp in shock and Dylan pushes closer, fisting Ryan’s shirt in his hands. Finally, Ryan relents kissing back firm and sure. 

 

Ryan doesn’t let things go as far as Dylan would like that first night but Dylan doesn’t mind, he can wait. They’re laying in bed, Ryan holding him and Dylan has to clear the air.

 

“I’m not giving it back.”

 

“Huh?” Ryan sounds mostly asleep.

 

“Your heart. Not giving it back.”

 

“Me either.”


End file.
